Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Harrowing Trip Down Memory Lane

One of the moms I connected with in the PICU back in December is back in the PICU right now following the second of her daughter's three heart surgeries to correct a heart defect. We have kept in touch a bit since December, so she she has included me in her “Care Page” updates regarding her daughter's recovery. It's bizarre to be on the receiving end of a Care Page. During Samantha's 5 week ordeal at the hospital I kept up a Care Page and wrote updates almost every day. Much like blogging, it was therapeutic (though sometimes very difficult) to write every day. We had a large network of friends and family who were eager for each day's news and wrote kind and encouraging messages to us on the site. It helped a lot to feel their support.

Anyway, it's a bit of a harrowing trip down memory lane to read my friend's Care Page updates. Sadly, her baby is having a lot of complications, and it's definitely a struggle for them. Of course, I know just how that feels. It brings back all of the emotions and turmoil of that roller coaster ride. One day things look like they might be ok, the next day, it's a nightmare. It's hard to watch them go through this, but at this point, I'm pretty vested in their story. So I'm on the Care Page every day as soon as I get an update notice. I've emailed a bit with the mom, too, trying to offer my support and encouragement. I think it has helped her to connect with me, though there are times I'm thinking she might wish she did NOT know our story. I don't think I would have wanted to know our story. I certainly can't say things like "I'm sure everything will work out fine!" with any kind of plausibility. I'm living proof that things don't always work out alright. Anyway, she's reached out to me, so I'm assuming she's not completely spooked by our misfortune. Still, it's an unpleasant trip down memory lane for me and a good reminder that infant (or any) heart surgery isn't something to take lightly. You know, just in case you were thinking it sounded like a lot of fun.

Oh, and I'm pretty much on the verge of rushing each of my three children to the ER at the least sign of swine flu....


  1. i think i would be really angry that i didn't get to have my daughter going into surgery too...and update through care pages...and worry about her...and just HAVE HER HERE. but that's me, and i'm a self-professed asshole. just in case, if you felt that, i wanted to make sure you know i felt that from the first line...that i would be fucking ANGRY and SAD and a little jealous about it.

    and i would also check the updates and want to try to give support, but still.

  2. I found you from BabyLoss Directory- thanks for sharing your story with us. It helps to know we are not alone. ((hugs)) Emily from Stepping Stones (