Sunday, March 15, 2009

Big brother

I never expected to gain so much pleasure from watching my kids interact with each other. It's great fun to see them forming relationships with each other, apart from us, their parents. Losing Samantha means losing some of those relationships, too. My son was an amazing big brother to her. He's a very gentle boy (perhaps because he was surrounded by sisters) and tried so hard to be loving and gentle with Samantha. He didn't always succeed. He was frequently, accidentally too rough with her (and sometimes not so accidentally).

His relationship with Samantha was heartbreaking because he really did love her, but she usually assumed he was going to hurt her. She would sometimes cry in anticipation of him touching her as if to say, “I know where this is going and you're not going to get away with it!” Fortunately, he was oblivious to this dynamic. He would comment that Samantha was crying, never realizing that it was because he was too close. Heartbreaking. She did enjoy watching him from a safe distance and definitely appreciated his playful antics. He's a funny guy. And he's very attentive when we visit anyone with a baby at their house these days. He really does love babies. It's very hard for me to think that he'll never get to play the role of big brother again. He was a good one.

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